Chapter X

New Year's Eve found Samantha throwing all her clothes around her, not being able to decide what to wear to the party that evening that Kevin was taking her to. Apart from having to make the usual decisions of which dress to wear and which shoes and bag she should have to match, she also had the worry of trying to look attractive but not be so over the top that Kevin got the wrong idea. On the other hand, she didn't want to look like she hadn't made any effort. So she pulled item after item out of her wardrobe, until all that was left was a pair of grey tracksuit bottoms that had a hole in the knee and she used to sleep in. All her other clothes were now piled on the bed, strewn across the floor, and hanging out of the drawers of her chest of drawers. She then slowly started to put some of the clothes away, deciding that tonight was a dress night, so all her trousers and skirts could go back. She lingered a little on her favourite pair of jeans, dark blue denim with embroidery up the calf of one leg, before going back to her original decision and putting it back. Tops, shirts, T-shirts, cardigans; all went back until she was left with one item on her bed: a simple black dress. It had a slash neck design, came at least three inches above her knees, and had no detail on it at all. It was plain, simple, and stylish. It would allow her to flash her legs a little and it would keep her cleavage completely hidden, so not a lot of flesh was on show, but enough to make her feel a little sexy.
The decision made, Samantha jumped into the shower and lathered up. Her thoughts were with Pete, wondering what he was doing at that very moment. It was at least seven o'clock by now so he wouldn't be at work any more. Maybe he was at the gym, or at home cooking dinner, or maybe he was showering too, getting ready for a drink with his work colleagues. She felt a twinge of guilt over not calling him back about his not coming home for New Year. No, she thought, I shouldn't feel guilty. After all, he could have put his foot down and had at least one day off from work, especially over one of the Christmas weekends. But he had chosen to stay in Newcastle and not insist on a day's break. She rinsed off and towel dried herself, sprinkling a little talcum powder all over, and then wrapping her hair in a towel and brushing her teeth.
The cleansing routine over, she pulled fresh underwear out of the drawer and hitched up a pair of sheer tights before donning the dress. She spritzed a little of her favourite perfume over her pulse points in her wrists, the backs of her knees, and at the sides of her neck. She then rough dried her hair and combed it straight, letting it dry naturally so it had a slight kink in it. Her hand drifted over her make up bag. She wanted to wear her new eyeliner but would she look too done up, like she was making too much of an effort? She wrinkled her nose and pulled her mouth to one side. She grabbed the eyeliner and started to apply it. I want to feel good and break away from everything, she thought to herself, and that includes looking my utmost sexiest! Eye lash curlers were applied; mascara was run through her eyelashes twice over; her lips were softened with lip balm and a lick of shimmery lip gloss was rubbed into her bottom lip. She then pulled on her watch and stepped into a pair of classic heeled court shoes, screwing on a pair of drop earrings as she did so.
The large shallow cardboard box standing up the side of the wardrobe caught her eye. It was the laptop that Kevin had bought her. He had definitely paid for everything and it had even come with a personal message attached to the delivery note. Samantha couldn't believe that Kevin had just bought it for her and had opened the lid several times just to check that the laptop was in there and that it wasn't just a joke. She simply had to give it back but felt that returning it without informing Kevin first would have just been rude. She'd have to tell him sometime tonight.
Checking the time, it was now five minutes to eight. She grabbed her keys off the coffee table, shoved them into a small beaded bag, and pulled on her coat. Then taking one more glance around the now-tidy apartment, she switched off the lights and headed down the communal staircase to the car park.
Bang on eight o'clock, Kevin appeared in the car park, driving the BMW Z3 he had bragged about a month ago in Covent Garden. Despite all the things she had said, she couldn't help but feel a small thrill go through her as she stepped into the car.
“Hey,” grinned Kevin, planting a small peck on her cheek. “Nice dress!”
“Thanks,” Samantha said, returning the grin. “You look very dapper too!”
Kevin was wearing a plain red shirt and charcoal grey trousers. It suited his dark colouring really well and Samantha felt all the old feelings come rushing back. As Kevin put his foot down on the accelerator and shot off down the street, Samantha wondered why she kept doing this to herself. She knew that she would always have a small place in her heart for Kevin because he was an old boyfriend but she had convinced herself that Pete was 'the one'. Now she had been out with Kevin twice and she felt the old feelings were stronger. Maybe it was because she hadn't seen Pete in so long that she was finding solace in Kevin instead. No, she told herself, you mustn't fall for Kevin again just out of loneliness. But was it just that? If she hadn't caught Kevin with Sheila, would they still be going out now? Would Kevin had proposed to her? She certainly would have agreed to marrying Kevin had the circumstances been different.
Kevin suddenly stopped the car and unlocked his strap buckle. “We're here!” he said in a sing-song voice.
He got out of the car and practically ran around the other side so he could open the door for Samantha. A smile broke out over her face and she stepped out of the car, slightly embarrassed.
“What's with the whole door thing?” she asked. “I am capable of opening the door myself, you know!”
“Well, I couldn't open it for you when I picked you up because you were too quick for me,” explained Kevin, “so I figured this was the next best thing!”
He shut the door, locked it with his remote car lock key chain, and took Samantha's hand as he led her to the door of the house where the party was.
Not that Samantha had a hard time guessing which house it was. Music was pumping out of the brickwork and she swore she could actually see the outer walls flexing in time with the beat. People were streaming in and out of the door, marked with three balloons bunched together and streamers strewn along the pathway, where someone had obviously had some stuck to his or her shoes and had dragged it out of the house. The windows were brightly lit from the lights inside, and groups of people were gathered in all the rooms of the house, clearly visible from a good distance away.
As Kevin pulled Samantha through the front door, the music was instantly louder. Bodies crossed their paths from all directions. People were seated on one side of the stairs while a constant stream of legs went up and down them on the other side.
“Kev, nice to see ya mate!”
Samantha looked round to see Kevin and another man slapping each other on the back.
“You alright Jim?” Kevin asked loudly over the music, pumping the man's hand up and down. “Let me introduce you to the lovely Sam.”
He shoved his palm facing upwards towards Samantha and she flashed a polite smile at Kevin's friend.
“Hi,” she shouted over the music. “Nice to meet you!”
Samantha extended her hand to him to shake.
“Jim,” the man said, taking Samantha's hand and kissing her on its back. “Have fun!”
He bounded away, yelling out someone else's name and slapping the backs and arms of all the people he passed.
“Drink?” Kevin yelled to Samantha.
Samantha just nodded back and found herself being pulled into the kitchen.
More people were crammed in this room too. There were three girls sitting on the counter being entertained with a humorous story from a bloke waving his arms about wildly, flicking cigarette ash all over the floor as he did so.
Kevin pushed a clear plastic cup into Samantha's hands and, carrying his own cup, pulled her into the lounge where a group of people were dancing madly, bumping bottoms and swinging each other around in a haphazard fashion. At the back of the room, one of the guests was acting as a DJ, taking requests and announcing them over the PA as he seamlessly merged each track one after the other.
“And now for a little alternative music from the oh-so brilliant Franz Ferdinand,” he boomed into his mike. Take Me Out began to play and people obligingly jumped up and down in their own little mosh-pit in front of the DJ table.
As the introduction played the DJ added, “This is from Becky to Carla: I have front row tickets to their next gig at the Apollo!”
Samantha heard a shriek come from directly behind her and she turned to see two blonde girls drunkenly hugging each other and telling each other how the other one was the best. She rolled her eyes and started to gulp her drink down. It was her favourite tipple: Jack Daniels and Coke. Kevin had remembered what her favourite drink was. She looked up at him and saw him staring at something. She followed his gaze and saw a couple doing a slow dance in the corner but, while the woman was deeply into the dance, the man was eyeing up the brunette on the sofa whose cleavage was out for all to see.
Kevin glanced down at Samantha, who was still looking at the slow dancing couple.
“That's not what we were like,” he said, his mouth close up on her ear. He pulled away so he could see her looking at him. “There was never anyone else.”
“But you were always looking at other women, Kev,” Samantha said. “The only reason can I start to forgive you is because I should have seen it coming way before it did.”
“You can't trust me?” Kevin asked.
“How can I ever really trust you?”
“Because I'm telling you the truth.”
Samantha looked down at her drink.
“And isn't it better that I admit I'm wrong and be truthful about it?” Kevin asked.
“What's done is done,” Samantha said. “I really don't want to talk about it if that's okay.”
“Okay,” Kevin said.
Samantha finished her drink and went into the kitchen in search of more. She found an empty bottle of Jack Daniels and was mildly disappointed. She then saw a bottle of Archers and poured that into her cup. She downed it and then poured herself another cup full. She joined Kevin in the lounge and found him chatting to a couple of men gathered on the sofa. Not knowing anyone, Samantha felt a little left out and suddenly wondered who all these people were. Were they gatecrashers at a private student party? It certainly seemed that way. She felt as if she was at least three of four years older than most of the people in the room and the girls on the stairs who had asked for Franz Ferdinand to be played looked about nineteen.
“Hey, Sammy!” Kevin grabbed Samantha's waist and pulled her down on to the arm of the sofa. “Sam, meet Andy and Frank; guys, this is Sam.”
Samantha shook hands with her new acquaintances and moved her head from side to side in time with the music.
“And now for a little Toxic from Britney, requested by Baz!” the DJ's voice echoed into the microphone.
“Wanna dance?” Andy asked Samantha, and he grabbed her hand and pulled her into the midst of the dancing group of people before she could even begin to protest. Still clutching her drink and trying desperately not to spill it, she moved gracefully around Andy's arms and legs, which seemed to be moving co-dependently from the rest of his body. His elbows swung out and it looked as if he was trying to emulate Prince or Michael Jackson, but was making a real hash of it, despite his best efforts. Frank moved in behind her and swayed her in time to the music, pushing his chest onto her back to give her some balance. Samantha finished her drink quickly to avoid an unwanted accident and would have stumbled slightly from the sudden rush to her head if Frank wasn't pushing against her. She started to dance more energetically, still avoiding the flailing elbows of Andy, and looked round for Kevin to persuade him to join in. She saw him saying something to the DJ and then come bounding over to join in the last few bars of the song.
“Joining in?” Samantha asked Kevin, throwing her arms around him to hug him and to deliberately try and separate herself from Andy and Frank.
“Of course!” Kevin replied, returning the hug and then pulling her arms into a dance position.
“I've got a good slowie coming up now,“ the DJ said in a deep voice Barry White style. “This is Hoobastank, dedicated to Samantha from Kevin.”
Samantha looked up at Kevin, her eyes wide and her mouth open slightly. Kevin just stared back, boring into her eyes and gently pushing against her to lead her in a slow dance. The Reason started up and the noise of the party quietened down as couples stopped talking to pull each other to the dancing area and slow dance. Kevin lowered his head so the side was leaning against Samantha's. She, in turn, rested her chin on his shoulder and they both swayed in time to the music.
“I'm not a perfect person/ There's many things I wish I didn't do/ But I continue learning/ I never meant to do those things to you/ And so I have to say before I go/ I just want you to know/ I found a reason for me/ To change the way I used to be/ A reason to start over new/ And the reason is you.”
Samantha listened to every word of the song and felt like it was directed straight at her. She pulled away to look at Kevin again. He half smiled at her and pushed his forehead against hers, willing her to listen to the rest of the song.
“Sorry that I hurt you/ It's something I must live with every day/ And all the pain I put you through/ I wish that I could take it all away/ And be the one who catches all your tears/ That's why I need you to hear/ I found a reason for me/ To change the way I used to be/ A reason to start over new/ And the reason is you.”
As Hoobastank began to repeat the last line, Samantha felt a rush. She didn't know whether it was the alcohol or whether it was genuine emotions, but she suddenly thought about the relationship between herself and Kevin from his viewpoint. He had made a mistake and he wanted her back. He loved her and he wanted her back. And he had found the perfect song to do it with. It was either very clever or mind-blowingly romantic. Samantha couldn't decide which is was. The alcohol was definitely taking effect on her. She wished she'd eaten before she'd come out. Kevin pulled away from her forehead to look at her during the final verse.
“I'm not a perfect person/ I never meant to do those things to you/ And so I have to say before I go/ And I just want you to know/ I found a reason for me/ To change the way I used to be/ A reason to start over new/ And the reason is you.“
Kevin slowly moved in and he brushed her lips as the last lines unfolded.
“I found a reason to show/ A side of me you didn't know/ A reason for all that I do/ And the reason is you.”
Samantha closed her eyes tightly as his lips pushed gently against hers and, although she didn't return the kiss, she didn't pull away either, and let Kevin finish before opening her eyes again.
“Please don't do this to me,” Samantha pleaded quietly to him. “I'm missing Pete greatly right now and I don't want to make a mistake.”
“I don't want to make a bigger one by letting you go,” Kevin said, moving in again.
“No,” Samantha said, pulling away. “I can't. I'm sorry.”
“Okay, it's the big countdown!” the DJ boomed, cutting into the quietened crowd and bolstering the volume again. “Together now! Ten! Nine! Eight!”
The party slowly joined in, with everyone yelling out numbers in unison.
“Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! TWO! ONE! YEAH!!”
The party cheered, whooped and applauded as chimes belted out over the radio. Kevin pulled Samantha into him to kiss her but she side-stepped his head and turned it into a hug.
“Happy New Year,” she said as pulled away.
“You too! Hey, you want another drink?” Kevin asked her, pushing a cup of liquid into her hands.
“I shouldn't really,” Samantha said, uncertain of how much more she could have before becoming completely legless.
“Hey, I'm driving. Have what you like!” came the reply, and Samantha shrugged her shoulders and downed her drink. It might have been white wine. She wasn't sure quite what it was, but she did know that she was mixing her drinks and it wasn't a good thing. She quickly became light headed and the party became a blurred vision of colour and a constant level of indecipherable singing and yelling. She moved to the sofa to sit and try and get her head straight. A bottle of clear liquid was shoved into her hands.
“Water!” yelled the woman next to her. “You'll feel better!”
Samantha swigged it and felt the cold trickling its way down her throat into her chest. She passed the bottle back and massaged her temple gently in an attempt to ward off the inevitable headache she was going to suffer. She felt a hand on her leg and she pushed against it to brush it away. The hand started to move up her thigh under her dress and she pushed against it harder, to no avail. She started to wiggle away but her feet wouldn't move. Suddenly the hand was pulled away and Samantha could make out Kevin holding Frank by his jumper and shoving him against a wall. Kevin turned, grabbed Samantha's hand, and pulled her through the lounge and out of the front door. She felt the chill of the night linger on her bare arms and the sweat beads that had formed on her skin now felt like tiny ice cubes. She shivered and was bundled into Kevin's car. He turned the ignition and started up the heater, but did not turn on the engine.
“Are you okay, Sam?” Kevin asked her. “I am so sorry about Frank. He can be a right prick when he's had a few beers.”
“I'm fine,” Samantha insisted. “I just think I drank a bit much. Or just not sensibly enough. Either way I need to sober up.”
“No problem,” Kevin said, starting up the engine.
Before she knew it, Samantha found herself in the car park of Ashley House and being escorted across the tarmac to the block of flats. She fumbled around in her bag for her keys and managed to activate the controlled door entry system to allow herself and Kevin inside. She started to stumble up the stairs but was having trouble negotiating so many of them. Suddenly, Kevin swept her up into his arms and said, “Right, what number? And don't tell me it's the top floor!”
Samantha wrapped her arms around his shoulders and said, “Floor two, number six.”
Kevin effortlessly carried Samantha up the stairs, going slowly and carefully so as not to have an accident. Samantha curled up in his arms, and felt comfortable; safe even. She took in his scent and sensed the same unmistakable mix of washing powder and soap with a hint of aftershave. She closed her eyes and let the scent linger about her. Suddenly her chairlift was tipped and she was set down outside her apartment door.
“Thanks,” Samantha said, finding her feet and unwrapping herself from Kevin's hold.
“Door to door service is all inclusive!” Kevin declared, and closed in on her, pressing gently against her lips before she could protest. He pulled away and whispered, “Because I didn't get to do it at midnight.”
“Right,” Samantha whispered back distantly.
They both stood there for a few moments, neither of them moving. Samantha could feel the chemistry pulling between them and was doing all she could to resist. She stayed still except for her hands fumbling for her door key so she could let herself in. Not taking her eyes off Kevin, she unlocked the apartment door and opened it so it was slightly ajar.
“Goodnight,” she whispered, slowly backing into the flat.
“Goodnight,” Kevin whispered back, moving in to kiss her again.
“Kev… no…” Samantha protested, but Kevin was already in there, pushing against her and deepening his kiss.
“I should never… have tried… to ruin… what we had,” he whispered in between gentle kisses.
Samantha found herself responding, despite knowing that what she was doing was wrong. But somehow she felt that it was what she wanted. Kevin had hurt her so badly that, now he was trying to make amends, she was ready to accept any kind of way that he wanted to make it up to her. She knew from her response to his kisses that she still had feelings for him. She also knew that Kevin now obviously still cared for her. This felt natural. It was meant to be.
Kevin parted her lips and slipped his tongue into her mouth. Samantha couldn't bear it any longer and found herself responding fully, dropping her bag and keys on the floor and pushing her fingers through his hair. Kevin's hands travelled swiftly downwards and lifted her up again, this time so her legs were wrapped around him. He carried her right into the apartment and slammed her against the door to shut it. He dropped her and broke away the kiss, keeping his face merely centimetres away from hers.
Samantha caught her breath. She couldn't see anything but Kevin and felt overwhelmed by her feelings for him. All she could think about was how awful things were and how much being with Kevin and have him kiss her was suddenly the best feeling in the world.
She moved into him and pulled his pelvis into her, kissing him hard and wanting to fill the emptiness that she was feeling from being all alone. She pulled at Kevin, wanting more than he was giving. She felt his tongue against hers and hands moving all over her body. She ran her hands up his back and tried to push herself as far into him as she could, as if she wanted to encase herself into his arms, to try and find a warm place she would curl up into and feel safe and happy. She was suddenly aware of how her dress was slipping down her legs and that she could feel Kevin's bare chest rubbing against her skin. Hands moved to lift her again and she could feel his warm naked skin against hers. She felt bedcovers lightly brushing against her legs and her back, a euphoric rush sending her up in a sweat, her blood pulsing through her body at a fantastic rate. Kevin knew all the right moves and they were falling into a tried and tested routine from their university days. Samantha felt him inside her and tightened her vice like grip around him, trying to stifle her moans, and digging her fingers into him until they both felt their energy sucked out. They collapsed into the mattress and almost instantly fell asleep through a mixture of exhaustion and alcohol consumption.

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